An oh so enjoyable ride from Saudi Arabia to New York
As we boarded the plane a Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it! 'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.
The plane took off from King Fahd International Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Dammam to New York . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger a few seats behind me yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
A few moments later we were heading west and a flight attendant got on the intercom and announced; " We will shortly be flying over the Atlantic Ocean. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
When the Captain announced we were just over NY the flight attendant got on the intercom and said; "'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something I would like to have. We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
After a real crusher of a landing in New York , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
The Captain got on and commented; "'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
Not to be outdone the stewardess 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to New York. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate! We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.
As we slowed down we heard the Captain screaming Whoa big fella whoa."
As we were all getting off the plane a little old lady with a cane tapped the captain on the shoulder and said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'